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JOKE of the day. A place to make one SMILE/LAUGH/Shake their heads.

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Hey, I found out what happens when a lawyer takes viagra ... he gets taller.

 

...............................:rolleyes:.............................................................

 

And I thought the middle leg would do a salute! LOL

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You just got to love the Brits.

 

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London , He curtly asked the cTracyabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing? "The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so f*** off and wait for a camel!"

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There was this sweet lady that married a grumpy tight man.... She would do anything for him, make his meals, do his laundry, even draw his bath every night if he wanted. As they grew old together, he would always say, "when I die, I want you to berry me with all my money!" she would always reply, "yes dear".

The day finally came, and he passed away... While sitting at the funeral home, a good friend was sitting beside her and asked her if she put all that money in the casket with him. She said yep, I sure did...I wrote him a check!

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If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility.

 

 

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

 

 

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

 

 

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

 

 

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

 

 

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

 

 

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

 

 

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

 

 

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

 

 

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

 

 

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

 

 

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

 

 

A: 'Yes, sir.'

 

 

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

 

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

 

 

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

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WE NEED MORE MEN LIKE THESE................

 

In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

 

 

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

 

 

The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

 

 

 

 

Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages?

 

"Oh, no ma'am, we don't go there to talk."

 

 

 

Last one.....

 

Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

 

 

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

 

 

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

 

 

Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

 

 

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

 

 

Air Defense Site: ( ... total silence)

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A lady takes her parrot to the Vet. The Vet takes one look and says,

"I'm afraid your parrot is dead."

"That's terrible," says the woman, "How can you know that. You haven't

examined it or anything."

The Vet heaves a long-suffering sigh, places the parrot on the

examination table, opens the door and whistles. At this, a labrador dog

bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, sniffs at the parrot,

looks up and shakes its head sadly. Then the Vet gives another whistle

and a cat comes into the room, springs up onto the table, sniffs the

parrot and then shakes its head sadly.

"Well I'm terribly sorry Mrs Jones but there can be no doubt about it.

Polly is dead."

"Well, it's devastating news but thank you. How much do I owe you?"

"That will be six hundred and forty two pounds please."

"How much?" cried the woman in shock. "That's far too much money!"

"Well it's your own fault," Said the Vet, "If you had believed me in the

first place it would only have been twenty pounds. But you insisted on

a Lab report and a Cat scan!"

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Sorry folks, I have been out of the loop for a while. My wife wanted me to get some thing to enlarge my penis, so I did. Her name is Jill, she is 23 yrs old and is coming over again tonight.

 

badda-bing he will be here all week remember to tip your waitress.

 

{stolen from a previous post but i thought it was appropriate}

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A lady takes her parrot to the Vet. The Vet takes one look and says,

"I'm afraid your parrot is dead."

"That's terrible," says the woman, "How can you know that. You haven't

examined it or anything."

The Vet heaves a long-suffering sigh, places the parrot on the

examination table, opens the door and whistles. At this, a labrador dog

bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, sniffs at the parrot,

looks up and shakes its head sadly. Then the Vet gives another whistle

and a cat comes into the room, springs up onto the table, sniffs the

parrot and then shakes its head sadly.

"Well I'm terribly sorry Mrs Jones but there can be no doubt about it.

Polly is dead."

"Well, it's devastating news but thank you. How much do I owe you?"

"That will be six hundred and forty two pounds please."

"How much?" cried the woman in shock. "That's far too much money!"

"Well it's your own fault," Said the Vet, "If you had believed me in the

first place it would only have been twenty pounds. But you insisted on

a Lab report and a Cat scan!"

 

 

Oh no more parrot jokes! Just when it was safe to drink milk again!

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