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ALL CHILDREN ARE VERY SMART.

 

*

*

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February

with my 10-year-old Son

and I asked him

"What day is tomorrow?";

He said

"It's President's Day!"

 

*

He is a smart kid.

I asked

"What does President's Day mean?"

I was waiting for

something about Washington or Lincoln

.... etc.

 

*

He replied,

"President's Day is when

President Obama steps out of the White House ,

and if he sees his shadow,

we have one more year of unemployment."

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Supreme court said that its ok to TAX you into a health care system....

 

Biggest Joke yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I proble wont post after this because of all the "Watcher''out there looking for a Reason to close down "Free Speach"

be carefull...

Im done

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A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender.."I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw.."...

 

Candidate for health care. It is O.K. you are getting the bill. Even a Parrot wouldn't have it.

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After I graduated college I joined a large Fortune 500 company with a job in marketing research. The company decided I was worth further training so they sent me up to a well-known college for a couple weeks to take some special courses arranged for by a group of companies. One of my courses was called “The Dangers of the Casual Observer in the Marketplace.” The guy that taught it was a proper English gentleman. I will never forget his opening monologue for the course to describe the problem.

 

“There was once a young educated man walking down a dirt street in a rather untamed obscure western town. It was evening and he was carefully making his way around the mud puddles left by a passing shower. Ahead of him was a saloon on the left. He could hear the sound of a fight going on. As he approached the swinging wooden doors the fight came to a peak.

 

There was a loud crashing sound, as if someone was having a table broken over their head, immediately followed by a skin-crawling high pitched scream. A body flew backwards out of the swinging doors and landed on its back in the street in front of the young man.

 

The young man looked down upon the person. He had one leg bent backwards up underneath his body. His clothes were all ripped and bloody, his face beaten and swollen. His right hand was clutched over his heart with blood flowing out from between the fingers.

 

The young man airily commented “Well, it looks as if you got the worst of that fight!”

 

The man on the ground struggled to open one eye as he quietly whispered “To the casual observer that may appear true.” Slowly and painfully he extended his gore dripping right hand with the palm open. “But, pray tell, whose balls are these!”

Edited by Rod

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After I graduated college I joined a large Fortune 500 company with a job in marketing research. The company decided I was worth further training so they sent me up to a well-known college for a couple weeks to take some special courses arranged for by a group of companies. One of my courses was called “The Dangers of the Casual Observer in the Marketplace.” The guy that taught it was a proper English gentleman. I will never forget his opening monologue for the course to describe the problem.

 

“There was once a young educated man walking down a dirt street in a rather untamed obscure western town. It was evening and he was carefully making his way around the mud puddles left by a passing shower. Ahead of him was a saloon on the left. He could hear the sound of a fight going on. As he approached the swinging wooden doors the fight came to a peak.

 

There was a loud crashing sound, as if someone was having a table broken over their head, immediately followed by a skin-crawling high pitched scream. A body flew backwards out of the swinging doors and landed on its back in the street in front of the young man.

 

The young man looked down upon the person. He had one leg bent backwards up underneath his body. His clothes were all ripped and bloody, his face beaten and swollen. His right hand was clutched over his heart with blood flowing out from between the fingers.

 

The young man airily commented “Well, it looks as if you got the worst of that fight!”

 

The man on the ground struggled to open one eye as he quietly whispered “To the casual observer that may appear true.” Slowly and painfully he extended his gore dripping right hand with the palm open. “But, pray tell, whose balls are these!”

 

They probably belong to Nancy Pelosi.

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Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.

 

The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, " So why are you here ? "

 

The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids.

 

But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

 

The black Lab said, "So whats the vet going to do?"

 

"Gonna cut my nuts off "came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."

 

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "why are you here? "

 

The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."

 

"So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired.

 

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

 

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"

 

"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything Isee. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

 

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

 

The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

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After I graduated college I joined a large Fortune 500 company with a job in marketing research. The company decided I was worth further training so they sent me up to a well-known college for a couple weeks to take some special courses arranged for by a group of companies. One of my courses was called “The Dangers of the Casual Observer in the Marketplace.” The guy that taught it was a proper English gentleman. I will never forget his opening monologue for the course to describe the problem.

 

“There was once a young educated man walking down a dirt street in a rather untamed obscure western town. It was evening and he was carefully making his way around the mud puddles left by a passing shower. Ahead of him was a saloon on the left. He could hear the sound of a fight going on. As he approached the swinging wooden doors the fight came to a peak.

 

There was a loud crashing sound, as if someone was having a table broken over their head, immediately followed by a skin-crawling high pitched scream. A body flew backwards out of the swinging doors and landed on its back in the street in front of the young man.

 

The young man looked down upon the person. He had one leg bent backwards up underneath his body. His clothes were all ripped and bloody, his face beaten and swollen. His right hand was clutched over his heart with blood flowing out from between the fingers.

 

The young man airily commented “Well, it looks as if you got the worst of that fight!”

 

The man on the ground struggled to open one eye as he quietly whispered “To the casual observer that may appear true.” Slowly and painfully he extended his gore dripping right hand with the palm open. “But, pray tell, whose balls are these!”

 

Awesome. I laughed out loud. Thanks...

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Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.

 

The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, " So why are you here ? "

 

The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids.

 

But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

 

The black Lab said, "So whats the vet going to do?"

 

"Gonna cut my nuts off "came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."

 

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "why are you here? "

 

The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."

 

"So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired.

 

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

 

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"

 

"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything Isee. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

 

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

 

The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

 

beauty is in the eye of the beholder or so it has been said.

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Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog.

 

During our friendly conversation, I asked their 12 year old daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President someday.

 

Both of her parents – liberal Democrats – were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”

 

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

 

Her parents beamed with pride!

 

“Wow…what a worthy goal!” I said. “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!” I told her.

 

“What do you mean?” she replied.

 

So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”

 

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”

 

I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

 

Her parents aren’t speaking to me.

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A Socialist,an Illegal immigrant,and a Muslim WALK INTO A BAR.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The BAR Tender ask,s

 

 

"What'll you Have Mr. President"

 

 

 

Ok so NOW Im realy on the list..

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A Socialist,an Illegal immigrant,and a Muslim WALK INTO A BAR.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The BAR Tender ask,s

 

 

"What'll you Have Mr. President"

 

 

 

Ok so NOW Im realy on the list..

 

LMFAO.... Nice one Matt.

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A Socialist,an Illegal immigrant,and a Muslim WALK INTO A BAR.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The BAR Tender ask,s

 

 

"What'll you Have Mr. President"

 

 

 

Ok so NOW Im realy on the list..

 

 

One of my favorites!!!!

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