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P210SIG

JOKE of the day. A place to make one SMILE/LAUGH/Shake their heads.

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Thanks ROD!!!!

First thanks to everyone!!!

My resadents LOVE THE PARROT JOKES!!!!!!and they ask if I have any NEW ones..Your making Many laph that have not laphed for a long time.!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I do a German vell!!yah..

Thanks again !!MATT

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Woman walks into a pet store and sees a parrot. The parrot has a red ribbon tied to one leg and a yellow (Cav.) one tied to the other leg. She asks the sales person what the ribbons are for. He answers that if you pull the red ribbon the parrot sings the Battle Hymn of the Republic and if you pull the yellow one he sings Dixie. The woman thought about it for a second and then asked, "What happens if you pull both ribbons at once. Before the clerk could answer the parrot spoke up and said, "I fall on my AZZ, @itch.

 

Parrots are deep thinkers. Too much for a shallow mind like mine.

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Matt goes to an auction and sees that there is a parrot up for auction. He decides to bid for it and figures that he will only spend a little bit on the parrot.

The Auction starts and Matt keeps getting out bid. Matt gets mad and decides that he will win that parrot. Matt is still out bid and he almost stops however, on his last bid he wins!

As Matt is paying for his parrot he is still mad and says to the clerk, "That SOB-ing parrot better be able to talk or I'll cook him for lunch. Of course he can talk says the clerk. Who do you think was bidding against you all night?

 

Can not trust a cat or a parrot. Do not listen to a parrot's cat jokes.

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In response to E-Mails about my dog.....

 

Please be advised,

I am sick and tired of answering questions about my dog,

 

who mauled Six people wearing Obama tee shirts, Four wearing Pelosi tee shirts, Two Democrats, Nine teenagers with pants hanging past their cracks, Three flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver.

FOR THE LAST TIME... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !! !

 

 

 

I'M TRYING TO TALK HIM INTO QUITTING SMOKING,

 

BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE

BAD TASTE OUT OF HIS MOUTH !!!???

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Regulator5

 

I had to go check if my dog was still in the yard but he ain't particular he will eat republicans ans independents

 

he does not smoke but he helps himself in the garden likes carrots and bell peppers.

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LOL@ JCMS... I can see you have a very valid argument about them proving something. I just wish they would quit trying to "act" American or even human and just have a pet bat and black cats....(or whatever pets demons have)

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The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County,Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

 

'May I help you, sir?' she asked.

 

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

 

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

 

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

 

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

 

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

 

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000.

 

The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs...After an hour, he left.

 

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which date back into the early 1800's. But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.

 

After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'

 

The man replied, Billings, Montana.'

 

'Really', she said. 'I have family in Billings .'

 

'I know.' the man said. 'I regret to tell you, but your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.'

 

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

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Old Butch

 

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

 

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

 

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

 

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

 

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

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Old Butch

 

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

 

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

 

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

 

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

 

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

 

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

 

It all sounds so familiar.......

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